Monthly Archives: May 2011
I want to make a wish ; God, please give us Your love, Your miracle, Your help. Peaceful world. Give me the best gift of You.
Give me a man who loves me so much.
Give me your straight to face this world.
Thank you for giving me a lovely family ; Mom, Dad, Sister and Brother. Great best friends too ; cyber and real. I love my life.
Once again, thank you God, you gave me a chance to have 19 in my life.
May, 24 2011
I was going home with Naning, on Monday, May 23. We have bought two tickets of the train, Jakartakota-Bogor. We entered the railway coach that special for women.
The train stopped at a station. Women and men was coming into our train. Suddenly Naning stood up, gave the seat to a woman with a broken leg. She looked so pity, dirty, and.. (sorry) poor. I was sitting beside her. After Naning went down and said goodbye to me, I stood up for giving a seat to other woman. Because I am short, I couldn`t reach the standing passenger handle, so I held the pile, and was standing in front of her (a woman who has a broken leg).
As an information, the trains in Indonesia, haven`t special seats for pregnant women, senior citizen, or physical defect. Some trains still have it, but people use it freely. There is no discipline. All people sit down on the seat which they want to. Free. Who fasts who gets.
“What time is it, kid?” Suddenly she asked me.
“Oh, it`s 2.40 pm, Mam.” I smiled.
“Where do want to go, Mam?” I asked her.
“Bogor. After reach there, still, I have to use public transportation, three cars, then, we have to use Becak.” She said. I looked into her eyes, there was something wrong. I don`t know what was that. Was that a sadness or a doubt? I don`t know.
“Why did you go to Jakarta?” I asked her, and don`t know why, I saw a broken leg with a serious scar.
“I wanted to borrow some money from my brother. You know, two of my children got sick. They are still in hospital now. Typhus. Me, and my husband have no money. I was walking from Singa street (a village in Bogor) to Bogor Train Station. I didn`t think about this pain, even I know how pain this leg, I had to go to get some money. But all is useless. My brother`s child also got sick and now, also still in hospital. He can`t give me money. He gave me just 15000 rupiahs, the cost for going home. It isn`t enough, I know it. Maybe I will ask the driver of public transportation (we call it angkot) to help me go home. Or I will walk by foot again. So bad, but we have no money for buying medicine”. She said. I found a sadness in her eyes. Her sight was blank. No tears, but I could felt her feeling.
You know, while I was listening her, I was thinking and imagining, what if that woman was me, or my mom? I feel sad.
I need money, I am earning money, I am working, I have an economy problem, and my family have it too. But I just knew, there are others who have harder problem, and those are more sad.
Suddenly I remember about the economy problem in Indonesia. There are so many poor peoples that had not been showed yet and I think, press have to show it and remain us, all of us, about this problem. Poverty.
I used to consider how to find a happiness in my life. i thot i could find it someday or somewhere.
I used to think that i could find out somthing comfortable for me. About the place that i have to stay at. about the persons that i am gonna stay with, and many more.
But i was wrong. Happiness can not be find. it is about how to creat it. and the meaning of my life is, how to make others’ happiness. its between me and family, me and friends, me and others, and … me and God.
I haven’t been cried since long long time ago. No matter what was the problems, i weren’t crying. And i didn’t want. I hate to cry coz i can’t take a breath, can’t speak well, can’t see what are them in front of me. Cry makes me blind, can’t hear anything… finally, unable to speak. Dumb.
But now i am crying. Yeah, as i told, i can’t speak. I can’t take a breath. I can’t speak, and hard to watch my phone. I am lost.
It is not about boyfriend or friends. It is not about such problems. It is Mom.
I did a mistake which made so many little mistakes. She got angry. We were fighting. She screamed so loudly, and i answered her like a crazy. Told her what was in my mind. Cried out. Nothing has made me cry before. But she did. She does. I cry coz of her many times. Coz angry, coz sad, coz happy. And i am crying, coz i feel something to her. And i love her.