Monthly Archives: July 2011

You Can Make a Difference

You Can Make a Difference.



I was sitting on my bed. I didn`t know what I was thinking. It was just an empty sight. Was feeling so …. I can`t explain…

Suddenly I heard a song by Backstreet Boys. And it`s telling almost same as my feeling that time. So this is the lyrics.

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Dinstant faces with no place left to go
Without you, within me I can find no rest
Where I`m going is anybody`s guess

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I`m awake but my world is half asleep
I`ve prayed for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I`m going to be, Incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It`s written on your face but you still wonder if we made a big mistake

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I`m awake but my world is half asleep
I`ve prayed for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I`m going to be, Incomplete

I don`t mean to drag it on
But I can`t seem to let you go
I don`t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go….

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I`m awake but my world is half asleep
I`ve prayed for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I`m going to be, Incomplete

-Backstreet Boys-

Just Because I did It, It doesn’t mean I Like It but I Need It

I was reading a novel, Norwegian Wood, written by Haruki Murakami. Globality, this novel is telling about a man–named Toru Watanabe , that recalled suddenly a woman named Naoko, his first love. It also tells about free sex in his past life. It’s awesome story.

I don’t want to tell about it all. While I was reading it, I fell into this story, like I saw all what he did, and felt what he felt. I saw when he felt down and hurt because Naoko left him and didn’t reply his letters. I could feel what he felt when he was making love in a hotel. In the middle story he tells about many classic novels, and it likes he tells to me in real.

From this story, I got some points in life that we have to learn all things in this world. We need to touch and do in real what we learn. For example, I think it’s ok for doing some bad things, because after do it, I know it’s bad and don’t do it again next time.

You know, you are a human. I am also a human, I need many things even it’s bad as people said. Because I am a human I want to do sex–even I don’t want to do it in real now, I will do later after get married. Because I am a human, I want to do all things and learn it! It’s not about hobby or what, just I need it, we need it. Read some adult stories or try adult chat. I don’t mean this thought is right for you. But I think, as a human, we don’t need to be perfect and be a very very good person. We have to know this world and what we need. It’s true we need love, so I learned something about relationship, and will always learn it. It’s true we need biological needs inmates, that’s why I tried many things about sex. It doesn’t mean I made love with someone, I just watch or read porn. Lol

I just want to say, we are alive and need it. Like Watanabe said, it’s not really nice to do it, but I am straight, I need it.

Blew the Game

Sleepover at one of my friend`s house. We were playing a stupid game, but it was very fun! Because I was the loser (I am sure they who are reading this post are laughing right now) they flushed me. Just like that photo. :S

I Don’t Believe in You

I met so many guys, so many girls. They’re my friends, my family, my enemies, my ex-boyfriends and many more. They’re close to me. I mean, they’re close enough like often to meet-maybe everyday or every week, often to chat and share many things.

While we’re together, there is TRUST within it. When I was talking to my Mom about my little secret that i’ve not told anyone before, it means I trust my Mom that she won’t tell what i said to others. Nobody will know it.

But sometimes there’s no TRUST between us. I still remember how cruel my (one) ex-boyfriend cheated me. Mom didn’t hold me that time, even I cried out loud.

“I know you’re strong enough to face it, Yaya. There are two people in the world. Bad and good. Just wipe your tears and stand up. Find a new guy who really loves you. You are strong, and I know you do” said Mom when I could not hold on my pain.

I thought that was my first time and my last “there’s no trust” words in my life. I was wrong. Someone cheated me and it was more hurt than before.

Someone the most I trusted after Mom, cheated me when I tried my best to help her. Well, after this, I don’t hate her. We are still friends. But she’s just my friendp. Just friend. No trust anymore.

Again, I thought no more cheat. And again, again, again again, I got it AGAIN! I trust him so much. I thought he won’t leave me like this. No, guys. This case ain’t about “cheat”. But he broke my trust. I told him, once I trust, means only once I trust. Don’t ever cheat behind me. Don’t ever broke my trus. I trust him that he will always be here with me.

I was busy with my jobs. Fine, but I keep message him and send offline message. What happened? He said no care from me. Do you think I didn’t care hiw? I tried my best to keep in touch. But he ran.

Well, no trust anymore. No people can be trusted.


Its time to say goodbye. Yes, I thot you would be here until tomorrow, then the day after tomorrow, then next week, next month, next year, finally till the death separate us.

I thot so. Maybe you thot so. I don’t know. But, baby it ain’t my decision. It is yours. You decided it.

Crying? No, I am not. I’m smiling to you rihgt now. Because I have to thank you for every things you’ve done, and we’ve done. I am happy to love you. Happy that I have had you in my life.

I have nothing to say to you,now. It’s just something like a letter. A letter that won’t you read. Never.

It’s time to go now. Oops! I don’t know who’s gone? Me? You? Oh c’mon…. baby it’s ok if you’re gone. I’ll turn back and go home. Alone. Then I will walk slowly with the shadow that seems like you.

And after many steps, I looked toward to you, and saying “goodbye”.

It’s the farewell. Like Bon Jovi’s song, it ain’t a love song. Goodbye.

Failed Again

Failed. i am failed to build a good relation. it was between me and someone. thought he is kind and honest to me. thought he was serious. but i was wrong.

just be careful, friend. it’s life. you have to (real) alive. you wasted your time. you wasted your time.

why so? why men played me? i cant answer. i have no words to explain. just hurt…

really it’s like i want to go away, far far aways from many things. facebook. yahoo msg. wanna change mobile number. and go,go away. but i am alive. have to face it and i know i am strong enough to stay here.

wish him has a great days and never play in life. 🙂 time to say goodbye.