I have a plan. I want to make a new blog-I think I will make it on blogger, in Bahasa. I love to write in English. I am learning to write it on. But sometimes, I need to write my thoughts in Bahasa.
Ehm… if you ask, i have not any words to answer. Just, I need to write it and I wanna do. Nothing reasons! Maybe because I have many opinions about the things I’ve seen and heard before. I can’t write in English. Like poem and prose. I can’t, can I?
… and what’s more, not much people read this blog. Right?
So, I will not leave this blog. I thought you, I love this blog. I tried hard to write these all in English.
See ya on my new blog. If you want to read it, of course. 🙂
Senja tiba pada waktunya
Merambat dan merayap seiring bergulirnya surya
Dahina merentangkan selendangnya di angkasa,
mengahiri tarian, meninggalkan kesunyian
Tak ada riuh tepuk tangan, tak ada sorak-sorakan
Dahina pulang dan senja datang,
tanpa lambaian dan rankai bunga “selamat datang”
Pulang dari atau datang pada dunia,
tetap berbatas pada waktunya…
I want to make a wish ; God, please give us Your love, Your miracle, Your help. Peaceful world. Give me the best gift of You.
Give me a man who loves me so much.
Give me your straight to face this world.
Thank you for giving me a lovely family ; Mom, Dad, Sister and Brother. Great best friends too ; cyber and real. I love my life.
Once again, thank you God, you gave me a chance to have 19 in my life.
May, 24 2011
I was going home with Naning, on Monday, May 23. We have bought two tickets of the train, Jakartakota-Bogor. We entered the railway coach that special for women.
The train stopped at a station. Women and men was coming into our train. Suddenly Naning stood up, gave the seat to a woman with a broken leg. She looked so pity, dirty, and.. (sorry) poor. I was sitting beside her. After Naning went down and said goodbye to me, I stood up for giving a seat to other woman. Because I am short, I couldn`t reach the standing passenger handle, so I held the pile, and was standing in front of her (a woman who has a broken leg).
As an information, the trains in Indonesia, haven`t special seats for pregnant women, senior citizen, or physical defect. Some trains still have it, but people use it freely. There is no discipline. All people sit down on the seat which they want to. Free. Who fasts who gets.
“What time is it, kid?” Suddenly she asked me.
“Oh, it`s 2.40 pm, Mam.” I smiled.
“Where do want to go, Mam?” I asked her.
“Bogor. After reach there, still, I have to use public transportation, three cars, then, we have to use Becak.” She said. I looked into her eyes, there was something wrong. I don`t know what was that. Was that a sadness or a doubt? I don`t know.
“Why did you go to Jakarta?” I asked her, and don`t know why, I saw a broken leg with a serious scar.
“I wanted to borrow some money from my brother. You know, two of my children got sick. They are still in hospital now. Typhus. Me, and my husband have no money. I was walking from Singa street (a village in Bogor) to Bogor Train Station. I didn`t think about this pain, even I know how pain this leg, I had to go to get some money. But all is useless. My brother`s child also got sick and now, also still in hospital. He can`t give me money. He gave me just 15000 rupiahs, the cost for going home. It isn`t enough, I know it. Maybe I will ask the driver of public transportation (we call it angkot) to help me go home. Or I will walk by foot again. So bad, but we have no money for buying medicine”. She said. I found a sadness in her eyes. Her sight was blank. No tears, but I could felt her feeling.
You know, while I was listening her, I was thinking and imagining, what if that woman was me, or my mom? I feel sad.
I need money, I am earning money, I am working, I have an economy problem, and my family have it too. But I just knew, there are others who have harder problem, and those are more sad.
Suddenly I remember about the economy problem in Indonesia. There are so many poor peoples that had not been showed yet and I think, press have to show it and remain us, all of us, about this problem. Poverty.
I used to consider how to find a happiness in my life. i thot i could find it someday or somewhere.
I used to think that i could find out somthing comfortable for me. About the place that i have to stay at. about the persons that i am gonna stay with, and many more.
But i was wrong. Happiness can not be find. it is about how to creat it. and the meaning of my life is, how to make others’ happiness. its between me and family, me and friends, me and others, and … me and God.
I haven’t been cried since long long time ago. No matter what was the problems, i weren’t crying. And i didn’t want. I hate to cry coz i can’t take a breath, can’t speak well, can’t see what are them in front of me. Cry makes me blind, can’t hear anything… finally, unable to speak. Dumb.
But now i am crying. Yeah, as i told, i can’t speak. I can’t take a breath. I can’t speak, and hard to watch my phone. I am lost.
It is not about boyfriend or friends. It is not about such problems. It is Mom.
I did a mistake which made so many little mistakes. She got angry. We were fighting. She screamed so loudly, and i answered her like a crazy. Told her what was in my mind. Cried out. Nothing has made me cry before. But she did. She does. I cry coz of her many times. Coz angry, coz sad, coz happy. And i am crying, coz i feel something to her. And i love her.
No matter how free my lungs are breathing, actually it’s not my lungs. No matter how fast this heart’s beating, actually it’s not my heart. Sometimes I felt beautiful when I was smiling to you, but actually, it’s not me. No matter how deep this love to you, actually it’s not my love. It’s my dream.
😀 im so happy today because,i can write here by mobile! i just knew that i can write it.
okay,thank u for someone who told me about it. USEFUL! am so happy and,,its my first time, and… hahaha i dnt know else,just thank u very much, D. 🙂 God bless ya. 🙂
i am so sorry to all of you coz no update on my blog. Uhm.. i am lil bit busy till next month, coz of working and i have to face an exam to enter the university. Other case is i have no balance in my modem 🙂 still poor these days 😀 so, i am so sorry, i cannot write anything. but i keep writing into my note book. I will post all here later. After work, exam and when i have balance.
I miss ur comments. really i miss to write all of my thoughts here 😦 I will be back as soon as possible 🙂 Love y’all 🙂
Exam’s coming… 😦 Sorry i wasn’t active in here 😦 I was stress because of it 😦 Lied!! I was working. Hehehe. Last week, I went to a beauty salon. I was gonna cut it a lil. Not much, and i don’t want to change the style. Ok, I was going by foot, and finally I arrived.
I talked to the receptionist and said, “only cut and wash. No, don’t blow it. Thank you.” I have to wait three men and I was sitting and waiting. It was 30 minutes. After all, I didn’t bore at all when I was waiting. It was fun to watch people there. So many things that’s interesting that time.
After washed the hair, I sat down on a chair, in front of a big mirror. Then, a woman came to me and asked, “what do you want, girl?”
“Just make it clean and nice. Don’t make it short and don’t cut the hair in a bang.” I trusted on her that she won’t cut it and won’t make it short. That’s why I was reading a novel and fell a sleep while she was cutting my hair. Suddenly I woke up. Taraaaammm…. I heard scissor sound. CKRISSS I opened my eyes, and i saw myself at the mirror.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost screamed out loud. But I know I was in beauty salon. So many people there, and you can imagine, what if I was screaming like that in front of all the people???? I will not do it. I cannot scream. I couldn’t!!
“Why did you cut it?” I almost cry. Maybe she realized that she was wrong and she cut it too short, and the worst, SHE CUT THE HAIR IN A BANG!!!!!!!!!
“Oh, I think you looked beauty, more cute than before with this new style. You looked very nice and fresh. Don’t worry, just look at the mirror, and smile. See, you are cute.” I know she was trying to cover her mistakes! I could not say anything. Just said “aha, yeah. Thank you.” Then I paid and went home.
I entered my room. Looked at the mirror and …. I was cryiiiiiiiinnggg :(( AAAAAAAHHH my hair… my curly hair… :(( It’s worst!! And now, in front of my laptop, I took a pic, and still crying.. 😦 Wait, I ain’t really crying. I was kidding. But it is worst. 😦 Look !!
Lookkkkkk!!!!! What a beauty style!!!! :(( TT___TT I tried my best to make it better than above. But it’s useless. And look again, The Before, It’s much better than the After. After is worst 😦 I hate it 😦 and I am really really so upset about it. I become afraid to look at the mirror 😦 Huhuhu… yeah, at least I will close my eyes, and I will say : ” You are fine, it’s good, don’t matter the people’s comments about your hair, don’t don’t.. and don’t be shy… don’t be shy…” TT_____TT