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Sorry to My Readers

The only I can say to you is SORRY. I know I am not here, writing everything as I did before. It’s because I am so busy at college.

I was so happy in my first day in college because I thought it would be so nice, fun and really I would like it forever. So, I was wrong!! Life in college isn’t always fun, great, and nice at all. There are so many problems and funny moments there. The quiz, tests, discuss, and many more boring things. Includes the boring people and friends!! Hahha!

Okay, those have made me little bit crazy and boring while I was in the class or at college. But, it’s okay. I am trying to be happy even if busy and blah blah blah. I’m gonna take a bath many minutes later and going to college. I am ready for Culture and Sociology class. 🙂

Oh yeah, the point from this post is I feel sorry because I am so busy and cannot write anything here. But don’t worry! I’ll be back 😉

Why Why oh Why

I loved him since I saw him in first time. His eyes are big and bright. I love the way he watches me when he asks me about slim girls in my class. His behave isn’t really good, but I don’t know why I love everything about him.

He has brown skin. Sharp nose and good smells in every time.

The way he smokes, he walks, he laughs, he talks and makes jokes. I love every part of him. The most important and I always miss it is, the way he calls me.

“Carla, where you going? Sit down here with me!! Coffee?”

“Carla!! Where were you yesterday?”

“Carla, Carla!”

There is something in my heart when I see him. I feel I don’t want to gaze him. I’m afraid he knows me watch him every time he sits in front of that class. I miss his voice every night. I miss everything of him every second in my life.

But the world became so dark when I realized he doesn’t love me. I just realized it!!! Oh my God, he drove me happy, crazy, and also lost in love. He just wants me to help him, to bring a beauty girl from my class to him! He fools me! He doesn’t love me at all.

So why, why do I get endless of sadness every time I love a boy deeply in real? I don’t wanna be a broken-hearted girl. I don’t want! So why… why?

It’s not

No matter how free my lungs are breathing, actually it’s not my lungs. No matter how fast this heart’s beating, actually it’s not my heart. Sometimes I felt beautiful when I was smiling to you, but actually, it’s not me. No matter how deep this love to you, actually it’s not my love. It’s my dream.

Because We Cannot Tell All of the Things to Others

I have so many friends, in real, cyber, close friends in real, close friends on cyber, and moreover, enemies in real and also on cyber. We often share about everything; our friends, our days, our pasts, our stories about family and many more. Yes, we share it.

Long long ago.. (haha) I had a problem with my mom. She got a report from someone, I don’t know who told her about it.  Briefly, she got angry to me because, that person who had told-just call her Mrs. X- that I have shared to her daughter about MY FAMILY’S PROBLEM. I shocked. Mom was very very angry. First, I have shared my privacy to others. second, that wasn’t just MY OWN PRIVACY, but ALSO FAMILY ‘s OWN. Huff.. confused huh? Me too. Mom was angry. Big angry.

Ok, you must be confused. I know I explained it (above) very bad. Umm.. Ok, I’m gonna try to tell ya the problem. I have shared to my friend. I’ve shared about a problem of my family. I was telling it, blah blah blah, la la la… finished. I didn’t tell her : don’t tell anyone, includes your parent, your bestfriend, your boyfriend. No one. Don’t. Yes, that was my fault. I DIDN’T WARN HER. That was my STUPIDITY. Then, many days went like nothing wrong happened. No problems at school ( I was still in high school), no problem with friends. Nothing wrong. But, one day, mom called me. I came. I sat in front of her. I had no bad feeling. Then mom said blah blah blah, with her eyes that became more big as usual, she spoke very loud. That time, i realized DON’T EVER TELL ABOUT YOUR FAMILY’S PROBLEM. Never.

I was so sad, i felt i was stupid. Very stupid. How could I told her (my friend) about my privacy? Why did she tell it and share what i said to her mom? That was my secret! Yes, I didn’t tell her “don’t tell anyone includes your mom”, but I think, we can’t tell everything to our families. And if I don’t warn, it doesn’t mean you can tell others all or just a part of that problem.

Once again, you cannot tell everything to others,  included your parent. (It will be different case if you got a problem, like a guy touched your (sorry) breast, or other harassments. In this case, you have to tell your mom, or sister, or best friend. It will be different case).

Should We Break Up Because of It?

You know, it’s about “if I were..”, it means about the conditional. Not really me that I’ve done or faced about it. It’s just “what if..”.

Have you ever chatting on cyber ? There are so many applications and website where we can join them and meet so many people in the world. Those applications give us a chance to share photos, videos, gifts, and many more. This is an ease to connect our family or our friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. And, umm sometimes, some people chat about their own privacy.

I did not tell that talk about our privacy on cyber is forbidden and an offence, but i just wanna ask you, is share about sexual not a crime? How about (I am sorry) share our bodies, chat sex, and many more? I do not know how is it happening among teenagers and also adults in the world. I think we cannot share about it on cyber. What if a hacker see that and make it a public exhibition? If I were them, i will not come out from my room and keep in the blanket all days, until people forgot about what i have done on cyber with my bf (example). Lol

But maybe my thought isn’t right for some people. Because i found an article about it. The article says share our private picture or video = legal. Because it is ours. Not for sale and public. Like in India, viewing porn is not a crime. Read the article here. What do you think about Justice Tahilramani’s said?

I’ve asked many people on cyber, some said it’s not the offence. Because “we do not share it to others and it just ours”. Who? His gf and him. Some people said that’s the offence because we aren’t wife and husband yet. Showing body is only to real husband or real wife. That’s why share private pictures and videos = forbidden.

Many couples face this problem. It means, (example) the boy wants to showing private picture each other and doing CS ( I hope you know what is CS), but the girl wants to stop it because she thinks it is wrong. We do not ned to do this with our boyfriends or girlfriends. It is so hard. In the relationship, i think we have to obey God rules, caring each other, sharing each other (means not about pictures and many more things, it is about thought), love each other and protect each other. That means, we do not need to share our privacy area before get married. Am i right or wrong? i think i am right 😀 Then, what is the way out of this little problem? Should we break up?

Myself, i think showing our body on cyber is not right. I believe, God will not allow me to do this. Because i have not husband yet. I can show my privacy only to my real husband, not to my boyfriend. I do not know what is on your mind about it. This is my opinion, without any conclusive about my statement. I am still searching it. I hope i can give y’all the conclusive and someday i will prove that showing our bodies and chat sex is not legal and forbidden.

SASTRA PRANCIS UI??? oh please :(

Tau gak? gue lagi gak mood buat nulis pake bahasa Inggris. Untuk para bule-bule ku tercina, mohon maaf atas ketidak… (eh jangan pake bahasa baku, tar bisa di translate) yah, pokoknya post kali ini gak pake bahasa Inggris dan gak bisa ditranslate 🙂 Dan mungkin gak bermutu juga menurut kalian.

Jadi gini saudara-saudara, gue kan lagi nungguin ujian universitas ya.. Rencananya sih mau di IISIP. Mau ambil jurusan Periklanan atau Jurnalistik. Itu aja gue mau ambil jurnalistik gak boleh sama seseorang. katanya, “kamu bisa survive gak di Jurnalistik?” Lah gue kan jadi speechless. Gue mau jawab apa coba? Masa gue jawab,  “ya, saya gak tahu Bu. Tapi saya coba”. Emang sih harusnya gue bilang kayak gitu. Tapi kan… Tapi kan… Ah gak bisa digambarin sih.. Gue sendiri gak tau gimana cara jelasinnya ke Ibu itu dan orang-orang yang maksa gue buat pilih yang bisa gue pilih.

Sekarang gini deh. Gue disuruh ambil subjek yang kira-kira bisa gue ambil. Oke, gue pikirin. Gue putusin buat ambil Jurnalistik. Pas ditanya, dia jawabnya yang kayak di atas : apakah anda dapat bertahan dan mampu memjalani proses belajar jika anda memilih Ilmu Jurnalistik? Lo mikir dong, gue harus ambil apa? Pendidikan Guru TK? Yang buat Paud-paud itu? Aduh, gini ya.. bukan sama sekali karena gue meremehkan jurusan itu. Tapi gue sama sekali bukan orang yang sabaran ngasuh anak kecil. Iya gue suka nemenin ade-ade gue, keponakan-keponakan gue, tapi kan itu gak tiap hari dan seharian. Pokoknya gue gak bisa. Dan emang gue gak minat. Fine, selesai, gue bodo amat dan gue go ahead dong, pasang kaca-mata-kuda. Bodo amat gue mau dibilang apa. Terserah.

Selesai dari perkelitan dalam diri gue tentang itu semua, dateng lagi pertanyaan : kok kenapa gak ambil UI? Katanya mau ambil UI? WOOOOIIII HALLOOOOO… gue tau kemampuan diri gue. Gue gak bisa masuk UI. Iya emang gue pengen banget masuk SASTRA PERANCIS UI, tapi kan… gini ya, pertama, gue bisa aja mati-matian bela-belain UI, les sana sini, belajar non stop, gue bisa kayak gitu. Gapapa, gue maksa. Tapi lo juga liat orang-orang yang dibelakang gue. Buat daftar aja pake duit. Iya kan? Gak mungkin dong tu formulisr gretongan disebar ke seluruh penjuru kota dan desa..? GAK MUNGKIN. Trus, ntar dikocok tempat ujiannya. Ongkos. Terus, penentuan masuk apa gak. Okeh, kalo masuk Thanks God banget tapi buat masuknya gimana? Emang abis ujian langsung bisa masuk tanpa bayar? Macam dewa saja. Kalo gue pake SNMPTN, trus masuk, mungkin bonyok gue bisa ngilik-ngilik biaya. Tapi kan, ih lo sumpah ya! Lo gak ngerti posisinya.

Trus lagi, tadi, gue dipaksa disuruh ikut SNMPTN dan milih SASTRA PERANCIS UI. Woi!! Lo gila!! Coba liat ada berapa kursi, ada berapa peminat?? Itu susah. Susah untuk masuk Sastra Prancis UI. Mereka bilang gue cepet menyerah. Mungkin. Tapi mereka juga bilang gue men-judge diri gue sendiri bego. Okeh, gue bilang kayak gitu karena gue tau siapa gue, gue tahu perlu berapa kali gue harus ulang baca buku tebel. gue tau harus berapa kali gue ngulang materi di rumah. Gue tau, berapa lama gue bisa bener-bener fokus belajar. Gue tau gue bisanya yang mana dan gak bisanya yang mana. Maka dari itu gue-bahasa kasarnya nyadar diri. Bukan berarti gue nyerah gitu aja. Gue udah coba tahun kemaren  hasilnya  350 ribu sia-sia (terlepas dari masalahsekolah). Gue nyadar diri, gue tau posisi gue kayak gimana, dan gue tau kemampuan diri gue sendiri.

Huuff… Lega.. Semuanya udah gue keluarin. Gue harap mereka semua yang  maksa gue dan bilang kayak gitu di atas gak baca ini. Gue gak mau timbul masalah yang lain. Untung mereka gak tau alamat blog gue 😛 Udah cukup, karena masalah gue bukan ini aja. Masih banyak masalah-masalah lain.

Cinta Maya

Gue kemaren abis maen ledek-ledekkan sama nyokap gue. Gara-gara adek gue pacaran di telpon berjam-jam dan … di dapur. Gue udah omel-omelin tuh anak. Gue aja kalo pacaran kagak begitu (read : gak punya pacar). Well emak gue ahirnya ngeledek gue adek gue. Nyokap bilang gini, “cie… macayan ni ye…” Terus ketawa. Begitu terus sampe emak gue pada ahirnya nyeletuk :

” Eh dulu kalo macayan gak gini. Pake surat”. Gue sama ade gue langsung ngakak. Ya iya lah… Jaman sekarang kok pake surat. Ada telpon, ada hp, ada internet. Hahaha.. Well, karena teknologi makin canggih, dan banyak banget hal-hal yang bisa dilakuin melalui salah satu media canggih masa kini ini : INTERNET (read : chatting).

Mungkin karena saking canggihnya, perasaan juga bisa disalurkan melalui dunia maya ini. Hmm to the point ajah, Love Cyber. (kedengerannya alay banget yah?). Well, gue punya tips buat lo-lo pada yang lagi menjalankan cyber love alay ini ataupun sanggahan untuk orang-orang yang anti cyber love. Read the rest of this entry

Don’t Afraid to Fall in Love Again

Selamat sore semuanya.. Maaf  lama gak ngepost. Banyak kerjaan soalnya (alesan) 😀 Hari ini gue free, setelah kemaren nonton dan ngenet full whole day! Hahahahah surga banget kemaren. Gue kemaren nonton film India gitu, tapi berhubung bajakan dan abalan (udah bajakan abalan pula), jadi gak ada subtitle nya.. 😦 errr akhirnya gue bosen dan nonton film Korea aja. Padahal tuh film India bagus banget (kayaknya).

Ngomongin soal film, gue jadi inget soal film lama, film barat, judulnya ” P.S. I Love You”. Most watch deh! Kalo belom tau kebangetan (hehehe). Yang belom tau bisa liat about this film di —–> http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0431308/. Film itu ngomongin tentang seorang janda yang kehilangan suaminya (suaminya meninggal). Sang suami meninggalkan 10 surat yang berisikan pesan-pesan dan petunjuk-petunjuk dalam rangka membahagiakan si janda ini. Pada surat terakhir, si suami ini menyampaikan bahwa dia akan terus menyintai si janda ini dan bilang bahwa, jangan pernah takut untuk jatuh cinta kembali. Read the rest of this entry

Dumb

Okay, good morning everyone? How are u? Well, i’m not very well rite now. No.. Not coz of u all who never care about my post. Lol. Kidding. I wish u all very well and still alive.

Well, i’m gonna tell u something that i haven’t told somebody else before. Including u, before u read this post till the end. i have a “cyber bf” from India. I will not tell u what is his real name. U know, it’s his own “story”. So, we will call him Jaan from now on.

He is not handsome like my ex-bf from Iraq. But he is kind heart, very very kind. His English also enough and lil taught me about many grammars. He is in one college, i forget what is the subject. Hmm i think he took IT as him subject. He is in the middle of smart level. And one thing that i love about him ; HIS SMILE. I love the way his smile. And when we were sharing pic each other (remember, we are cyber lover), i always ask him with his cute smile. He will do what i asked. Read the rest of this entry