I met so many guys, so many girls. They’re my friends, my family, my enemies, my ex-boyfriends and many more. They’re close to me. I mean, they’re close enough like often to meet-maybe everyday or every week, often to chat and share many things.
While we’re together, there is TRUST within it. When I was talking to my Mom about my little secret that i’ve not told anyone before, it means I trust my Mom that she won’t tell what i said to others. Nobody will know it.
But sometimes there’s no TRUST between us. I still remember how cruel my (one) ex-boyfriend cheated me. Mom didn’t hold me that time, even I cried out loud.
“I know you’re strong enough to face it, Yaya. There are two people in the world. Bad and good. Just wipe your tears and stand up. Find a new guy who really loves you. You are strong, and I know you do” said Mom when I could not hold on my pain.
I thought that was my first time and my last “there’s no trust” words in my life. I was wrong. Someone cheated me and it was more hurt than before.
Someone the most I trusted after Mom, cheated me when I tried my best to help her. Well, after this, I don’t hate her. We are still friends. But she’s just my friendp. Just friend. No trust anymore.
Again, I thought no more cheat. And again, again, again again, I got it AGAIN! I trust him so much. I thought he won’t leave me like this. No, guys. This case ain’t about “cheat”. But he broke my trust. I told him, once I trust, means only once I trust. Don’t ever cheat behind me. Don’t ever broke my trus. I trust him that he will always be here with me.
I was busy with my jobs. Fine, but I keep message him and send offline message. What happened? He said no care from me. Do you think I didn’t care hiw? I tried my best to keep in touch. But he ran.
Well, no trust anymore. No people can be trusted.
I have so many friends, in real, cyber, close friends in real, close friends on cyber, and moreover, enemies in real and also on cyber. We often share about everything; our friends, our days, our pasts, our stories about family and many more. Yes, we share it.
Long long ago.. (haha) I had a problem with my mom. She got a report from someone, I don’t know who told her about it. Briefly, she got angry to me because, that person who had told-just call her Mrs. X- that I have shared to her daughter about MY FAMILY’S PROBLEM. I shocked. Mom was very very angry. First, I have shared my privacy to others. second, that wasn’t just MY OWN PRIVACY, but ALSO FAMILY ‘s OWN. Huff.. confused huh? Me too. Mom was angry. Big angry.
Ok, you must be confused. I know I explained it (above) very bad. Umm.. Ok, I’m gonna try to tell ya the problem. I have shared to my friend. I’ve shared about a problem of my family. I was telling it, blah blah blah, la la la… finished. I didn’t tell her : don’t tell anyone, includes your parent, your bestfriend, your boyfriend. No one. Don’t. Yes, that was my fault. I DIDN’T WARN HER. That was my STUPIDITY. Then, many days went like nothing wrong happened. No problems at school ( I was still in high school), no problem with friends. Nothing wrong. But, one day, mom called me. I came. I sat in front of her. I had no bad feeling. Then mom said blah blah blah, with her eyes that became more big as usual, she spoke very loud. That time, i realized DON’T EVER TELL ABOUT YOUR FAMILY’S PROBLEM. Never.
I was so sad, i felt i was stupid. Very stupid. How could I told her (my friend) about my privacy? Why did she tell it and share what i said to her mom? That was my secret! Yes, I didn’t tell her “don’t tell anyone includes your mom”, but I think, we can’t tell everything to our families. And if I don’t warn, it doesn’t mean you can tell others all or just a part of that problem.
Once again, you cannot tell everything to others, included your parent. (It will be different case if you got a problem, like a guy touched your (sorry) breast, or other harassments. In this case, you have to tell your mom, or sister, or best friend. It will be different case).
I have been thinking about this-to leave Mozat. But yesterday, I didn’t have a chance to say this plan and say good bye to my friends there. It’s hard to say this. You know, I hate this word. BYE is a scariest thing that I have heard ever. I am confused how to tell this plan to my old friends there. Very confused. Finally I chatted with someone. He is my good friend there. He said he wanna leave Mozat too. I asked him what’s the reason. He just said he’s bored. Then I said, I wanna leave too.
“It’s my last time here”, i typed.
“Why? Don’t say that. I was kidding when i said i wanna leave Mozat,” He said.
“Because i’m bored. I cannot be here anymore.”
“But why?? Tell me what’s the reason!!”
“Nothing. Just bored, and i am working plus studying. It’s hard for me. So many guys there have disturbed me. You knew that. Just many friends like real friends. Others are fake. Fake love. Fake feelings. Fake friendship. I cannot see those fake things anymore,” I explained. He stopped typing for many times. I was waiting until he typed again.
“But, how are they-your close friends, me, and your sisters there?” he said.
“I don’t know too. But i still have facebook and yahoo. We can chat there, even i will come rarely”.
“You are mad”.
I don’t know how to say this plan. Perhaps they will be sad because many of them don’t have facebook account. Only Mozat and yahoo. Umm.. Maybe i will tell them by massage tomorrow. But how?? It can’t multi-send. Then I have to type one by one, the problem is I have so many friends that i have to send it 😦 I will be so tired, especially my fingers :S
If I think once more, I will be damn sad. Feel like many good friends fly away. I am gonna miss them. Missing “disconnected”, missing “PING”, missing my damn notification. I remember, one friend called it noti-fuck-cation, because it’s almost always got error. I will miss the sensation when i was flooding my own saying. I was doing this because i want more point. I will miss the bloody hell-hackers who have hacked me many times. As i remember, five times-three in last year and two in this year. The important is I will miss the funny things there.
Mozat friends have taught me many things. About relationship, friendship, behavior, caring, funny times, respecting each others , and the last, Mozat taught me English. Yeah even if my English still worst. I love what have they done. I love it. They taught me that cyber is cyber, cannot be a lover or what. They told me that friendship is friendship. There is no cyber friends. Nothing. That’s why, even if i will leave Mozat, i won’t forget them all. They are my teachers, my sisters, good friends, brothers, and … my life in the other side. .. And I love them…