On July 30, 2011, I wasn’t working and just staying at home with my family. I spent my free day by watching TV, movies, and reading “Out”—a novel by Natsuo Kirino. My sister was only watching TV and many movies. It was her free day too. Because she couldn’t watch it on our DVD player, then she used my laptop. The battery was low and needed to be charged. She asked me that was sinking deeply in kirino’s story. I got the adaptor and plug it. Something was wrong with it. It wasn’t working. No light on it. So tried to unplug and re-plug again. And….. suddenly there was a spark splashing! We were screamed out loud and called Mom.
Mom handled it. It was safe already. I looked at my adaptor. I smelled something bad in it. There was something burned down. I was shocked. Slowly I couldn’t see what did I hold in my hands. All became gloomy slowly. And then I ran and took my pillow, trying to pretend sleeping. I was crying.
Mom called me from kitchen. But I didn’t come. She called again but again I didn’t come. Finally she got angry and called me once again. I came. I said for giving me time 5 mins for crying and cooling down myself. She asked me why and was getting more mad.
“Just give me little time! I will be back and get my normal mood soon,” I said.
“Why are you crying? For what? Why? Because it’s broken?” Mom got angry.
“Yes! Of course!”
“Why so? It’s not a big deal! Don’t be so stupid! I will buy it a new one for you so stop it! Don’t cry! It is not very important and it’s just little problem in your life. Just little Problem!” Mom said.
“Yes, it’s not a big deal… FOR YOU! Not for me! It’s meaningful to me! I bought it by my first payment! So what? It was not a big deal? Yes. It was for you! Just give more time to calm down! Crying is better than break the desk!” I said almost screamed and cried.
“You are still young. Just because this little problem it doesn’t mean you can be upset and mad! Don’t be naïf! I am 50. I have faced so many problems which was more big and complicated than it.” Mom doesn’t understand what I feel. My adaptor is broken! I bought it by my own money!!!!
I went back for lying and tried to sleep. But I couldn’t at all. I cried and cried and cried. Maybe you think it is just a small problem. Just buy it again and it will be solved. So easy for you! Right? But not for me… I bought it by my FIRST PAYMENT. I have collected little more, and bought it by my own money. Not my Mom’s! It was first time. For you it is not special maybe. But It is everything for me.
Just imagine, when you had nothing, all stuffs that you bought are from your parent. You wanted make them—your Mom, Dad or sister or brother to be happy by your own way. What will you do? I chose that way—buy everything I need by my own money. And then I was collecting some money, and it became enough after I got my first payment. Do you know what I thought? I wanna buy adaptor, so that she doesn’t need to spend her money for it. Will use this money, my ‘real’ money. It is maybe just little thing that I can do for her. I can’t buy a house or give her a ring but maybe it will consider her work to be easy. And suddenly… Something that I bought with great effort IS BROKEN NOW. Not working again! What now? Of course I cried. It is normal!! I am not mad but normal!
In the afternoon, I opened my eyes. I was awake. I didn’t think what I did was overreact.
After these all, I consider and realize, what I did was so freak. What’s the meaning of “first payment”? First salary and first thing I bought by my own money? What? I just realized all is small thing. First payment is only “first money that you get”. Means, it is the start of your independent life. From that moment you will work again and get the next payments. Just it. About that lovely adaptor, I have to collect some money again. Start it from zero and maybe someday will become a hero. Haha.
Mom was right. I am still young. Many things will be come soon. Want it or not, we can’t make any deals with God. Mom was right, so many problems that she has faced. She solved it alone. She doesn’t want me, her daughter knows its. That’s my Mom. Strong and wonderful. Whatever the problems come, she will stand and face it. I will be like her. I want to be. Maybe I can’t be perfect like her—almost perfect, no one is perfect in this world, but I am trying.
Well, I am ready to face everything that will be come soon!