I loved him since I saw him in first time. His eyes are big and bright. I love the way he watches me when he asks me about slim girls in my class. His behave isn’t really good, but I don’t know why I love everything about him.
He has brown skin. Sharp nose and good smells in every time.
The way he smokes, he walks, he laughs, he talks and makes jokes. I love every part of him. The most important and I always miss it is, the way he calls me.
“Carla, where you going? Sit down here with me!! Coffee?”
“Carla!! Where were you yesterday?”
There is something in my heart when I see him. I feel I don’t want to gaze him. I’m afraid he knows me watch him every time he sits in front of that class. I miss his voice every night. I miss everything of him every second in my life.
But the world became so dark when I realized he doesn’t love me. I just realized it!!! Oh my God, he drove me happy, crazy, and also lost in love. He just wants me to help him, to bring a beauty girl from my class to him! He fools me! He doesn’t love me at all.
So why, why do I get endless of sadness every time I love a boy deeply in real? I don’t wanna be a broken-hearted girl. I don’t want! So why… why?
On July 30, 2011, I wasn’t working and just staying at home with my family. I spent my free day by watching TV, movies, and reading “Out”—a novel by Natsuo Kirino. My sister was only watching TV and many movies. It was her free day too. Because she couldn’t watch it on our DVD player, then she used my laptop. The battery was low and needed to be charged. She asked me that was sinking deeply in kirino’s story. I got the adaptor and plug it. Something was wrong with it. It wasn’t working. No light on it. So tried to unplug and re-plug again. And….. suddenly there was a spark splashing! We were screamed out loud and called Mom.
Mom handled it. It was safe already. I looked at my adaptor. I smelled something bad in it. There was something burned down. I was shocked. Slowly I couldn’t see what did I hold in my hands. All became gloomy slowly. And then I ran and took my pillow, trying to pretend sleeping. I was crying.
Mom called me from kitchen. But I didn’t come. She called again but again I didn’t come. Finally she got angry and called me once again. I came. I said for giving me time 5 mins for crying and cooling down myself. She asked me why and was getting more mad.
“Just give me little time! I will be back and get my normal mood soon,” I said.
“Why are you crying? For what? Why? Because it’s broken?” Mom got angry.
“Yes! Of course!”
“Why so? It’s not a big deal! Don’t be so stupid! I will buy it a new one for you so stop it! Don’t cry! It is not very important and it’s just little problem in your life. Just little Problem!” Mom said.
“Yes, it’s not a big deal… FOR YOU! Not for me! It’s meaningful to me! I bought it by my first payment! So what? It was not a big deal? Yes. It was for you! Just give more time to calm down! Crying is better than break the desk!” I said almost screamed and cried.
“You are still young. Just because this little problem it doesn’t mean you can be upset and mad! Don’t be naïf! I am 50. I have faced so many problems which was more big and complicated than it.” Mom doesn’t understand what I feel. My adaptor is broken! I bought it by my own money!!!!
I went back for lying and tried to sleep. But I couldn’t at all. I cried and cried and cried. Maybe you think it is just a small problem. Just buy it again and it will be solved. So easy for you! Right? But not for me… I bought it by my FIRST PAYMENT. I have collected little more, and bought it by my own money. Not my Mom’s! It was first time. For you it is not special maybe. But It is everything for me.
Just imagine, when you had nothing, all stuffs that you bought are from your parent. You wanted make them—your Mom, Dad or sister or brother to be happy by your own way. What will you do? I chose that way—buy everything I need by my own money. And then I was collecting some money, and it became enough after I got my first payment. Do you know what I thought? I wanna buy adaptor, so that she doesn’t need to spend her money for it. Will use this money, my ‘real’ money. It is maybe just little thing that I can do for her. I can’t buy a house or give her a ring but maybe it will consider her work to be easy. And suddenly… Something that I bought with great effort IS BROKEN NOW. Not working again! What now? Of course I cried. It is normal!! I am not mad but normal!
In the afternoon, I opened my eyes. I was awake. I didn’t think what I did was overreact.
After these all, I consider and realize, what I did was so freak. What’s the meaning of “first payment”? First salary and first thing I bought by my own money? What? I just realized all is small thing. First payment is only “first money that you get”. Means, it is the start of your independent life. From that moment you will work again and get the next payments. Just it. About that lovely adaptor, I have to collect some money again. Start it from zero and maybe someday will become a hero. Haha.
Mom was right. I am still young. Many things will be come soon. Want it or not, we can’t make any deals with God. Mom was right, so many problems that she has faced. She solved it alone. She doesn’t want me, her daughter knows its. That’s my Mom. Strong and wonderful. Whatever the problems come, she will stand and face it. I will be like her. I want to be. Maybe I can’t be perfect like her—almost perfect, no one is perfect in this world, but I am trying.
Well, I am ready to face everything that will be come soon!
Exam’s coming… 😦 Sorry i wasn’t active in here 😦 I was stress because of it 😦 Lied!! I was working. Hehehe. Last week, I went to a beauty salon. I was gonna cut it a lil. Not much, and i don’t want to change the style. Ok, I was going by foot, and finally I arrived.
I talked to the receptionist and said, “only cut and wash. No, don’t blow it. Thank you.” I have to wait three men and I was sitting and waiting. It was 30 minutes. After all, I didn’t bore at all when I was waiting. It was fun to watch people there. So many things that’s interesting that time.
After washed the hair, I sat down on a chair, in front of a big mirror. Then, a woman came to me and asked, “what do you want, girl?”
“Just make it clean and nice. Don’t make it short and don’t cut the hair in a bang.” I trusted on her that she won’t cut it and won’t make it short. That’s why I was reading a novel and fell a sleep while she was cutting my hair. Suddenly I woke up. Taraaaammm…. I heard scissor sound. CKRISSS I opened my eyes, and i saw myself at the mirror.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost screamed out loud. But I know I was in beauty salon. So many people there, and you can imagine, what if I was screaming like that in front of all the people???? I will not do it. I cannot scream. I couldn’t!!
“Why did you cut it?” I almost cry. Maybe she realized that she was wrong and she cut it too short, and the worst, SHE CUT THE HAIR IN A BANG!!!!!!!!!
“Oh, I think you looked beauty, more cute than before with this new style. You looked very nice and fresh. Don’t worry, just look at the mirror, and smile. See, you are cute.” I know she was trying to cover her mistakes! I could not say anything. Just said “aha, yeah. Thank you.” Then I paid and went home.
I entered my room. Looked at the mirror and …. I was cryiiiiiiiinnggg :(( AAAAAAAHHH my hair… my curly hair… :(( It’s worst!! And now, in front of my laptop, I took a pic, and still crying.. 😦 Wait, I ain’t really crying. I was kidding. But it is worst. 😦 Look !!
Lookkkkkk!!!!! What a beauty style!!!! :(( TT___TT I tried my best to make it better than above. But it’s useless. And look again, The Before, It’s much better than the After. After is worst 😦 I hate it 😦 and I am really really so upset about it. I become afraid to look at the mirror 😦 Huhuhu… yeah, at least I will close my eyes, and I will say : ” You are fine, it’s good, don’t matter the people’s comments about your hair, don’t don’t.. and don’t be shy… don’t be shy…” TT_____TT